giddy with excitement
to find your next message
my stomach a flutter
my heart like butter.
every haha
every heart
every word
i sink deeper.
eagerly i set another date
that’s not really a date
because it cannot be a date.
we chat
we cackle
we ask
we reveal.
we in this room
the only possible room
the room of pretend.
i smile
the butterflies attack.
i relax
the muscles in my shoulder.
do you know
can you tell
can you sense
i’m falling
so far.
but then i remember
who i am
and where i am.
reality
shatters me
slices me
and it hurts.
and i cry
and i resolve
and i set up my wall
i can do this
i can draw the line.
but alas
i’m not strong enough
i have to be near you
so for now
i pretend
and wait for another message.
