this is an edit of a previous poem. i splash the rainbow on every surface i doodle, i prose snap the prettiest pictures look how happy look how fun shining bright a midday sun but scratch the surface peel back the layers tears will spill my scars open to the cold and the chill and…
mental health
it’s not that deep
it’s not that deep but don’t be shallow she’s such a mess so fucking callow but so am i and so are you and why can’t i just say a few things about myself reveal my true nature i’m naked over here how much will i wager that no one in this lonely broken world…
Sleep Deprivation
It’s no secret that one mind control method is sleep deprivation, but cults don’t say they are depriving you of sleep. Remember–they are sneaky. My super special cult induced sleep deprivation a variety of ways. Get a Second Job Our cult suggesting getting a second job to pay for their marketing materials and products. I…
Oh Brother
Long message alert. I’ve been thinking about when you screamed at me. The veins on your neck sticking out, rage in your bulging eyes. Mom said you held a hand up to hit me–I’m not sure I remember that, but I was scared. It was scary. But. I’ve also done that yell to my significant…
I can’t believe I was in a Cult
This is a realization I came to after years of telling myself it was a business that didn’t work out for me from which I had learned a lot. Then after that I realized it was a pyramid scheme and would refer to it as such to my husband. And finally, after listening to podcasts…
Therapy
Therapy therapy. I have to go to therapy. Have to? Get to. Who is making me go? It’s me. I’m making me go. What will I talk about? What will I feel? Did I do my homework? How about not getting to bed on time. And I have to nurse in the morning plus just…
Your Mental Health is Worth It
This past semester in the teaching program was rough. Like really rough. I mean this past year has been crazy with wedding planning, but it finally got to a point where I needed to get real with myself and figure out how to not feel like a nervous wreck constantly. I needed to focus…
Gold Stars and Demerits
I listen to a podcast by Gretchen Ruben called Happier, based on her book Happier and she and her sister talk about their wins and fails at the end of each podcast. They call them gold stars and demerits. I like the “gold star” because I will be an elementary teacher in a couple of years…
Good Enough
Being a perfectionist comes with many struggles. One of them being the constant self questioning of any aspect of his or her life being “good enough.” The definition of perfectionism (no, this is not the beginning of a bad toast) I headed over to good ol’ Wikipedia (why not, right?) to check out the definition…
