Long message alert.
I’ve been thinking about when you screamed at me. The veins on your neck sticking out, rage in your bulging eyes.
Mom said you held a hand up to hit me–I’m not sure I remember that, but I was scared.
It was scary.
But.
I’ve also done that yell to my significant other before I was on meds.
I think something with our upbringing makes us feel like we need to control situations.
Maybe it makes us feel safe.
When we aren’t in control of the situation, it feels so scary and we want to MAKE people fall in line.
The thing is–making people bend to our will doesn’t really fix the problem.
And that person you get to continually bend to your will becomes less of their own person. Less of a person. Not the person you fell in love with.
I also know the feeling that you need to solve a problem RIGHT NOW. It’s so frustrating when there’s no clear resolution everyone can agree on.
I can relate to how you’re feeling.
I can relate to your anger at mom.
I can relate to the feeling of needing to solve things right away.
I hope you can find a way to have relationships where you can let go of that control.
It’s not easy and I’m definitely not the perfect model of give and take, but it makes the relationship more genuine.
I hope you can take some time away from your significant other so you can both work on yourselves.
I fear what might happen if you jump into things right away.
Even if it’s what you want to do. It might not be the right thing to do.
I also hope you can go easy on mom even with your frustrations at her.
I love you. I’m sorry for what you’re going through.
I’m sorry it feels like you’re trapped.
Maybe think of it as “one day at a time.”
I hope you know we all love you so much and thinking about you all the time.
I hope you can see this message for what it is.
I hope you can be patient.
And I hope you’re better at patience than me.
