I sent this story to a Charlotte Dobre subredit entitled, “Am I Overreacting?” Let me know what you think.
Woman Got Mad I Didn’t Consult Her About Breaking Off a 9 Day Relationship
Hi all! I (39F) just started seeing a woman (43F) from a dating app. Let’s call her Joyce. We met at my apartment pool on a Thursday. She brought a “candy bouquet” which at the time I wasn’t sure if it was weird or funny or nice. So I just laughed and opened up the Skittles. We chatted and joked and eventually made it into the pool where we had a fun makeout session. We had so much fun that we took things inside.
A little background on me–I at the age of 39 broke things off with my ex husband of 17 years. I wanted to date women and understandably he didn’t want to stick around for that. All of this to say that I don’t have a lot of experience dating. I was 21 when I met my ex-husband and dating was totally different back then. I was “fresh out of the closet” and wanted to see alllll the women. I told everyone I was looking for casual and non-monogamous.
Another thing of note about me, is that I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt. I am getting better at noticing red flags, thus breaking it off after 7 days (I previously stayed with another problematic woman for four months). I also literally made a list last night about boundaries with dating and a list of red flags to look out for.
I also have a kid. I have 50/50 custody, so he is with me basically every other night. I want to point out that I live in a very secure apartment with fob entry into the building, and the stairs or elevator, and I have two locks on my door. I never have people over when my kid is here. Like I said though, I’m going to change how I proceed in the future with bringing people to my place. Because you never know. As you will soon find out.
Thursday, Day One:
Okay back to taking Joyce up to my apartment Thursday night. We had so much fun, she was very sweet and funny, and the physical chemistry was great. She stayed the night and everything seemed good. There were a couple of things that I noted though, like she would not stop kissing me. I literally put my hands on her mouth to block her, but since I wasn’t direct about it, I think it was just a flirty thing. We went our separate ways for a few hours, and ended up going to karaoke with my friend, let’s call her Ellie, on Friday night.
Friday, Day Two:
Friday night Joyce showed up to pick me up at my apartment looking super cute in a button up and some cute shoes. She brought me some sunflowers she picked the day before. At that point that made me go, “awww.” At karaoke, Joyce was charming and quiet–got me food and a drink, was kind to my friends, complimented my singing, etc. My friend, Ellie, even said a couple of days later (when things got weird) that Joyce seemed super cool and grounded.
She stayed over again Friday night and things were still going well. We talked about how this feels “too good to be true” and we got into some deep subjects pretty quickly.
Saturday, Day Three:
I kind of had to kick her out Saturday morning because I wasn’t getting anything done and my kid was coming to stay that evening. I had laundry, dishes, and other normal life things to do. Joyce and I both agreed we needed to get back to the “real world.” As we were saying goodbye, we had kissed like a dozen times and I had to say, “okay leave!!” in a playful way, but really I could not handle more kissing.
I even told her we need to cool it on the kissing because my lips were going to fall off. I also mentioned to her that I would like it if she was seeing other people so that I wouldn’t be her only person to focus on. It was already too much.
She knew I was having a get together for my kiddo’s birthday, but during the middle of that, she sent multiple long messages. She said she thought about her behavior and admitted she dives in too quickly sometimes.
Another message was about our astrological compatibility. I don’t mind all of that, but it was during my kid’s birthday party. At the time I just responded, “I will read all of this, but I can’t right now.” And she seemed super cool about it. Looking back, what a weird thing to do!
To be continued…
