an updated version of this post can be found here.
i splash the rainbow
on every surface
i doodle
i prose
snap the prettiest pictures
look how happy
look how fun
shining bright
a midday sun
but scratch the surface
and tears will spill
scars open
to the cold and the chill
washing away
the hope
the high
the barrier
the glee
they ebb away
and my wounds reveal
the busy
the terrible
the swirling
fanatical musings
of a girl
of a woman
of a human
barely hanging on
to the facade
to the notion
to my finely crafted potion
where’s the cheery grin?
the jazz?
the good humor?
the sparkled pizzazz?
the world cuts in
reality slaps
i pick myself up
up by the boot straps
if I show my darkness
if even a lapse
my friends would shrink back
their love pulled away
like a blanket removed
too early in the day
leaving goosebumps
shivers
pillow over head
no point in rising
leave me be
no point in trying
will I ever find a soul
who can match my injuries?
who won’t run
who won’t flee
who isn’t afraid
of the thorns
inside of me?
layers and layers
and synapses
and suppositions
and silent screams
and racing renditions
the position
i fit in
so slim
so unique
so hectic
so bleak
but look under that dirt
under the clay
under the muck
find the treasure
it’s hope
it’s joy
it’s humor
It’s art
it’s adoration
it’s flair
it’s me
it’s me
i’m here
once you remove
the sullen tumor
like the molten core
at the center of our planet
i glow bright and warm
i show my true form
and am saved
from the weather
take shelter
my heart
it bursts
so much to give
that’s why I persist
that’s why I live
so I build up my fortress
of fun and of glitter
to hide the small layer
of terrible terror
because digging brings pain
and who wants to drain
the strength of another
these dazzling shows
will proceed
till I find my person
my people
my need
to be seen
so look
look how clever
look how bold
look how I never
do as I’m told
see me shimmer
as I bait you
as I await you
draw closer
draw myself
until they know
until they show
until they can’t possibly
let me go
